Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

 

 

 

 

 

Things I’ve learned about dating in the two years since I composed my anti-polemic and spiraled into a maddening dating frenzy!

Image

1. Don’t make a mixtape! The person who makes the mixtape is always the one who is more invested. The person who makes the mixtape, even if it’s hip enough to wrinkle a suit and make a math teacher wiggle, is the reacher. There are too many risks in this endeavor. For one, it’s likely the person will never listen to it, which is actually the best case scenario. Worst case scenario is that they hate it and judge you based on your musical selection. Even if you are sharply honed at the mixing craft – be wary of this in dating. It can have disastrous results! It is also too soon to show all your cards. Keep them cloistered. Remain a mystery. Make your date work a little harder to figure you out.
2. Sometimes divorce is the best way to save a marriage. This might sound antonymous, but it is true at least in small ways in terms of space, risks, and decisions. What a recent experience with a friend has shown me is that sometimes the best way to restore intimacy and trust is actually to take space. And, beyond that even, to end the limbo period by making a decision. Divorce is not an easy decision nor is it one that it is very pleasant. However, breaking the cycle of “will they?” “won’t they?” is both liberating and rejuvenating. Divorce is a risk. But, if it’s done in a gentle, thoughtful manner, it can also be a stress buster.
3. Dating is like repeatedly going on successive job interviews. You are a nervous wreck. You aren’t yourself. You are always overdressed. And you can’t stop thinking “did I get the job?!?!” after every awkward dinner. Just give the girl the job already, geez!
4. Dating means having to shove the feelings and feeling-based words back down your throat. Shh self… you can’t say these things! Your inner self will be miserable. Occasionally, you’ll find yourself crying in a bathtub. You’ll stress over every text message, phone call, email, and dinner conversation. Did I say too much? Did I not say enough? Did I ramble too much? Did I have too much caffeine before the date? Was that too personal? Get over it. If the messages were not well-received, it’s not YOU. The only rule you need to remember is TEMPERANCE – DON’T OVERDO IT.
Image

5. “Ghosting” does not mean you get to make a blanket fort and cut holes for eyes in sheets while wandering around in the dark with flashlights. It is definitely not that exciting. What it means is… you’ve been dumped! Imagine, if you will, that you have gone on 3 or so of those job interviews. You’re pretty sure you are in line for the job. Your resume is pretty well rounded and moderately impressive. You’ve had relevant experience to the position. You were well-spoken and you showed genuine interest in the position. And then you know what happens? Silence. No call back. No emails. No job offer. Nothing. Crickets! This is the new craze in breaking up. It’s when your date decides he’s no longer interested in you, but doesn’t want to expend the necessary effort (or guts) to actually communicate his disinterest in you so he vanishes. He dissolves whatever relationship or plans you had pending and disappears into the ether. The really troublesome part here is that, like a ghost, he will probably come back around to haunt you later. He didn’t make a clean break so technically you’re still jaggedly dangling on the line. Well don’t accept it ladies!
Image

6. Stop crying in the bathtub eating Fritos and go get a hobby. Seriously. Some people stop being themselves when they start dating and, instead, morph into gigantic mush piles of sobbing, over-eating pathetic. Don’t do this to yourself. Cultivate who you are. Find some new interests. Explore your community. Knit a sweater. Plant a garden. Revise your resume. But don’t let yourself disintegrate. This will never help you feel better.
7. Approach every potential suitor as a new friend. You like meeting new people and making new friends, right? This is a giant pressure release. If you haven’t tried this before, watch out when you release this valve, your head might actually explode.
8. Don’t use collective pronouns. Ever! Eliminate “we,” “us,” and “our” from your vocabulary. I don’t care if you are talking about the house you share with your roommates or the fun you have playing board games with your cats, don’t use these pronouns. Shy dates will wilt at the mere sound of these words! And, again, you will find the irritatingly triumphant return of crickets in the soundtrack as your pronouns reverberate in the room like you just yelled out “poop” at the top of your lungs the very same moment the music stopped.
9. Sell your spinster starter kit. I am in my late twenties, I live alone, I have 3 cats, and I vacation with my parents. I have bought the spinster starter kit. Egads! Even if I am also funny, interesting, creative, and witty – I have severely diminished my dating pool with the purchase of my DIY spinster kit. Ditch the kit!
10. “You’re awesome, but ______” is the new ghosting. This time your date has the guts to dump you, but wants to do so in a friendly way so he/she decides to write a complimentary preamble into the dumping. Hello….I’ve still been dumped! Yes I know I’m awesome, but I also know that in the manners book, compliments are not supposed to be conjoined with rebuttals. That’s backhanded. And this isn’t tennis. You won’t score with that swing, buddy.
Which brings me to 11…
11. There are no manners in dating. Dating is the modern equivalent of mulling about in the primordial soup. Every person in the dating scene is a selfish job-hunting representative of him or herself. It’s a savage free-for-all. There’s no chivalry in dating – that’ll get you slapped by a feminist or jailed for assault. What happened to honesty, tenderness, and politeness? Out the window with the pearl necklace.
“You don’t just walk away without a trace – tell it to my face. ‘Cause you’re coming back. You don’t just play around and get away. Hear me when I say you’re coming back. Oh you’re coming back. MANNERS – Take a second look and you’ll see, there is no one like me. MANNERS – You better reconsider ’cause you will never do better.”

 

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Super Mobility

The world continues to whirl on at maddening new speeds. As Paul Virilio wrote in The Art of the Motor, ”Required to locate himself beyond screens that have vanished, in an artificial world peopled by imperative signals, the man of tomorrow will not for long be able to escape an envirinmental control that will dog his every step.” This man will have a smart phone and will be subject to a contextualized reality that is possibly beyond virtual because it incorporates both a virtual stratosphere and a moving, shifting physical landscape. Welcome to virtual reality on the go. Jetsetbf can now blog from anywhere!

Read Full Post »

The Midpoint of a Nebula

Rachel Bernstein and I have made it to the midpoint of NaNoWriMo.  While we have not actually made it yet to the midway in word count, the golden 25,000 words, we are not far behind and I am confident that we will make it within the weekend.  Much has transpired through the course of this NaNo nebula.  Social lives have suffered, rational judgment has suffered, sleep has suffered, resistance to caffiene has suffered, friends and lovers have suffered together, emotions have suffered, stability has suffered, money has suffered, my poor Jetta (Gemma) has suffered.  Yet, we are doing it, we are perservering, we are sticking to it.  Character depth and development has suffered, but the words are there.  The ideas are there.  Plot has suffered.  But, even in their inactivity, our characters are living — and living as recklessly and dangerously as we are in the moment.  This is the essence of immediacy in writing.  This is the midpoint of the nebula.  Let’s take a moment to breathe, to congratulate ourselves, to pat our backs and fix our fenders, and then let’s move on to the next half, the next 25,000 words and beyond.  Let’s finish these damned forsaken albatrosses around our necks and free ourselves!

Sufferance

Her grill may have been stolen while she was at rest and her fender might have been cracked when she braked, but she moves on, Gemma moves on and so do I! We shall not be dissuaded!

Read Full Post »

Fear and Fascination

NaNoWriMo is so quickly approaching and, at the same time, can’t seem to come fast enough… it’s a conundrum, I know, but here’s how it happened: I am so afraid I’ll fail at this that I can’t stop planning.  I’ve done everything next to actually writing the thing (again, the thing here is my novel — it isn’t flesh yet, but it is a terrifying unrealized/imaginary monster hiding under/above/around and extending beyond my bed and closet and automobile and desk and computer monitor).  I’ve outlined it, loosely.  I’ve practiced writing.  I’ve named my main characters and written a list of all my jumbled thoughts.  I’ve read up on successful WriMos’ tips.  And yet I do not know where it will start.  I do not know my first sentence or opener.  My outline only contains what I view as the middle and as I reported my fears to a co-counselor at work she said, well then why not start in the middle and work your way out?  Well, I hadn’t actually thought of that.  That used to be my best tool for collegiate writing — loosely structured outlines, well-structured and bold section headers, and always save the beginning for the last.  And when a beginning idea strikes you, well thank the thing that hit you and be sure to write it down by returning to the beginning and starting an openers list.  Yes, that is what I’ll do, I’m certain.  It takes the fear out of just starting.  Out of just writing.  And in the mean time, I’ll try to live inside my town and write in the voice of my narrator(s).

On my way home from work, I began thinking about all the fragments of stories and songs I’ve abandoned, but, worse still, all the fragments that somehow abandoned me.  Through the course of every failed relationship, no matter how blunderous or brief they tend to be, I’ve lost pieces of myself or blindly given them away.  And, generally, I do not realize what I have lost or given away for months or years afterwards.  And just like tangible objects, I do not realize I have lost my intangible ideas and creative fragments until I begin to miss them and search haplessly for them on my harddrive, in saved scrapts in my bedrooms and drawers, and in my notebooks.  Through the course of my interpersonal history, I have lost countless recorded songs and song fragments, perhaps even enough to make an entire album.  It’s odd to think of them now, wistlessly or even with anger – because to do so catalyzes thoughts about recorded versions of my creative output, extensions of myself, in other peoples’ possession for them to do what they will with them.  A very odd and fearful thought indeed.  Yet not only have I lost songs and poems and recordings, too, I have lost these things:

– a jar of coins and dollars earned while playing shows at small venues with my old band, which I had collected and saved up for a rainy day much to my partner’s chagrine
– a used accordion purchased from a retired Japanese tailor moving to the west coast, whose piano I helped sell and whose hurricane wreckage I sifted through in a dark and damp basement to find, though I did not find it, a mandolin
– art prints of innocent fawns and birds among raspberries gifted by my adopted aunt, which even in retrospect remind me of their once strange juxtaposition against the taxodermied heads of buck hung up in her den
– my first copy of The Good Soldier with my penciled annotations in the margins and a lover’s quoted e.e. cummings inscription on the inside flap of the cover
– a few disparate, but essential cords for my Sega Genesis
– a few cds and dvds

…. and countless other objects I may not ever realize I’ve lost, perhaps because they are not missed, and perhaps because my memory simply does not serve them.

I can’t and won’t ever ask for these things to be returned.  I and my belongings have moved on.  I suppose we no longer need these things in our collection.  And here, in any story, is where we would usually include a clincher – a strong and brief standalone sentence that encapsulates all that has preceded it.  But not in this blog, for this blog is of my thoughts, and I will continue to think… and so this blog shall end with an ellipsis…

Read Full Post »

Finding your top played tracks in iTunes seems to be a really fun game this week and how could I not want to play along?  Trouble is, I share my computer and my iTunes with the moondoggy.  So, as you might imagine, many of the top tracks are actually his selections.  Not that I’m truly bothered by this phenomenon as many of these songs I too enjoy, but I wanted to find the one song on the list whose placement thereupon I contributed to in my incessant listening.  So here it is:  “Japanese Candy” by Little Teeth !

I really love Dannie Murrie’s cat-cawl/warble-howl/pinchy-cute voice, but to be honest I’ve been mildly disappointed by the band’s other output.  BUT, my initial disappointment aside, I must truly be fair: the band has yet to release a full-length so here’s hoping that’s worth waiting for!  And, in the interim of the present, Wiretap has gifted us this promise of tiny chompers:

Read Full Post »

When I was a kid, no slumber party was ever complete without a caboodle or two containing a multitude of candy-flavored Lipsmackers!  For, after all, no slumber party makeover would ever be complete without glossy Lipsmackers lips.  In the spirit of hosting a virtual slumber party, I will post here each month my favorite “flavors” as it were — the candy-colored picks of pop culture that I’ve tested and savored for you, friends!

While I can easily get more than enough of the eponymous Depeche Mode song, I just can’t get enough of these:

1. The Cornflower Datebook Cozie by Jill Bliss


Can’t wait to get my hands on this adorable hand-made keep-everything-tucked-in-one-cute-place fabric cozie with handmade begin-anyday datebook!!

2. Ben Folds (featuring Regina Spektor) “You Don’t Know Me” as directed by Tim and Eric (Awesome Show, Great Job!)

While I get an amorous feeling when I watch Zach Galifankis (with Tim and Eric) sip a few martinis for Absolut — this video (and the single itself) takes the cake!  I’ll be leaving delectable video-crumbs on seats all across town this week…

3. This Yes Frills Jewelry Organizer from Urban Outfitters

Get your grubs on one!

One of Urban Outfitters’ fall pretty things under $50 — it’s a lovely pretty thing yet it is also quite practical and mature (imagine that!).  It’s sure to fledge the unfledged and to give a little unused wall space some room to declutter and become bejeweled!  I want want want !!!

4. Those Dancing Days!

This picture is far more descriptive than 1,000 words, perhaps, excepting that “1,000 words” is actually a song recorded by these funfunfun Swedish teeny-poppers! How could one not love this Spice Girls tête à tête symbolism? This gum-pop magazine masquerade is a full-on simulacrum and we, BFs, LOOOOOOVE it! Just as much as we love this band of toe-tappin’ Hammond organ-donors — shock our hearts; again, again!

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Do check in, again, for next month (or sooner) we promise another volume of Lipsmackers — a list of all the candy-colored things you just can’t layer on thick enough!

Read Full Post »